you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize