I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
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