There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
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