Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
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