I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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