I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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