K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
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I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
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Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
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