dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
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He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
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Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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