I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize