the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
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I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
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I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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