you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
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I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
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she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
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