My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
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