It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
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Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
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