My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
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She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
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I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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