She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
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He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
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Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I just forgot I was standing up.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
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