plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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