first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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