I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
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He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
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How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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