Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
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