Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
only if we run a train.
done.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
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Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
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I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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