: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize