put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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