Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize