im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
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You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
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Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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