You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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