guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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