I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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