someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize