My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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