when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
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