Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
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It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
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If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
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