i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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