it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize