mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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