I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
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you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
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I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
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