I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
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