im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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