I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
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Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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