chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Randomize