i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
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