If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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