Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize