they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
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