you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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