So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize