smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize