If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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