Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You may now shotgun with the bride
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
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