I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
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you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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