Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
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you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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